You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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