Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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