I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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