Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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