Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
