I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
