I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
