fuck your aforementioned shoe
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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