either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
