I could have mohawked her pubes.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
