He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
