thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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