I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
