woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
