So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
