i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize