I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
