K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
