we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
