i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Randomize
