Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
