I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
