yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
