did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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