oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Little spoons don't ask big questions
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
