he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
