I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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