I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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