Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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