Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
