Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
