There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
