So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
