At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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