I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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