like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
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Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
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Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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