Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
