My first STD was from a foam party
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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