I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
