I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
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Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
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my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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