I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
