just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
