Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
