im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
