he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
