Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she smelled like a LAN party
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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