I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
