I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
