Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
