I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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