I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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