Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
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its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
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It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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