I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
