Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
