I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
