he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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