if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
