would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize