i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
