my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
