my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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