lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
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She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
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I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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