It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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